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Actions That Cost You Friendships

On our journey to becoming our best selves, we sometimes uncover flaws that have been lingering under the surface and affecting our everyday lives. Perhaps you know of some of the ways that your own behaviour, whether intentional or not, that have impacted your growth.

Unfortunately, these flaws don’t always just affect ourselves.

Sometimes these flaws, if left unchecked, can ruin our friendships.

In this article, we can’t go over the many varied and specific flaws that our readers may have, but we can give a general view on the types of actions and attitudes that create strong friendships, and the types of behaviours than can ruin them.

Attitude and Positive Energy

An important place to begin with is the notion of your energy: in other words, whether you’re putting positivity or negativity out into the world. People enjoy the company of other joyous people, and so they find ways to be around them more than they do those who direct their unhappiness upon others.

Being joyous doesn’t mean that one doesn’t have dull days. We’re all human, and we all have to accept that bad days come and go. Don’t be afraid to lean on your friendships and support systems at such times. But your underlying attitude and approach to life, whether you’re looking at moving through the problem or whether you focus on the bad, can affect how willing people are to support you.

By having as much of a positive attitude as you can, you will not only be more fun to be around, but you’ll create stronger friendships. You will be able to help people through their problems, by listening and encouraging them through their struggles. In return, this strong sense of rapport will mean you are supported in return.

Focusing on the negative, however, creates the opposite, and wears down relationships. Eventually these can come to an end in a way nobody feels good about.

The Poison of Self-Centredness

Often when a friendship or love relationship ends, two different versions of what happened come out.

Each party says they were not to blame; instead, they have a list of wrong and unfair things that were done to them by the other person.  It can be very confusing to hear both sides, especially if emotions are still flaring from both ends. Third parties are then usually compelled to pick a side simply because of loyalty, not because that side is right.

What causes this mix-up of perspective?

Often, it is self-centeredness.

A self-centered person sees themselves as a victim in every situation. They have loads of expectations from other people, but never take the time to ask themselves what they could give to please the other.

We all tend to be like that unless we place conscious effort to be otherwise. It usually is with much enthusiasm and certainty that we answer the question: “what are the qualities you expect from your partner?”

On the other hand, the question, “what are the qualities you expect of yourself that would make you a good partner” is left unanswered.

Living from one day to the next, but never stopping to introspect and improve on your weaknesses, is one sure way to lose friends and loved ones. Of course, it is not easy to confront and tell yourself ugly truths about your undesirable habits. But do you know what is worse? Having someone else outline them because they are fed up with you.

This can be especially difficult if it results in a falling out between you two. Denial, anger, acceptance, and lastly grief/sadness is the order of emotions we usually go through when our flaws are exposed. We suggest that it’s better to willingly start this cycle alone by introspection, rather than waiting for it to boil over in your relationships.

Tips on Socialising


People are different, and so expectations in relationships differ. But even so, some behaviors are universally frowned upon. No one likes the feeling of humiliation, for example, therefore as much as sarcasm can spice up conversations and experiences, it should be minimized. Use it with people that understand and appreciate it, and even with them gauge their mood first to see if they can take it.

Overuse of it makes you come out as mean and cold.

Try Listening More

It can be very easy to slip into a habit where you overwhelm your conversations with talk of you. Back up a bit and encourage others to speak also. You will be surprised at the number of things you will learn by simply listening.

Usually, you end up discovering that even the quietest of people have valuable things to say, but they just don’t like to fight for the opportunity to be heard. When listened to, however, they feel important too.

This increases your rapport with those people and builds stronger relationships.

Reach for Confidence, Not Arrogance

Confidence is a marvellous quality to possess.

A confident person easily makes friends because they trust and believe that they are likable, so they don’t struggle to make conversation, and instead speak meaningfully. As a friend, they tend to be encouraging and liberate those around them to also be confident about themselves. This can make them very fun to be around.

Arrogance, on the other hand, is a potent people-repellent. Sometimes the line is difficult to draw between arrogance and confidence, but in simple terms, a confident person is sure of their own abilities without seeing anyone as lesser than them.

An arrogant person is one who feels that they are superior to others and show it through their actions.

An arrogant person rarely ever apologizes for their wrongdoings. Often they don’t even see when they have done something to offend others. They don’t value other people’s opinions, as they think they are the smartest person in the room, or the best at everything.

To keep your friendships and relationships, strive not to be this kind of person. Search your heart to see if there is a trace of this poison in you and work replacing it with more a healthy and positive self-confidence.

Once you have found the strongest center in you, it’ll be easier to make the most out of your relationships. For further learning, if you’re looking to supercharge the passion in your intimate relationships, click here for more.

In conclusion, everybody loves a friend who puts effort to become a better person. You may have all sorts of weaknesses, as we all do, but people can see your efforts if you are working on self-improvement.

If you focus on being a positive, aware friend, you will find yourself in happy, progressive and healthy relationships last a lifetime.